Excerpts from my journal dated June 24, 2003 :

location: MMU cyberjaya campus)

of chilhood memories.. spoke to mom on the phone. she updated me on the happenings at home...and of grandma..and the small thai village she lives in. her news sent shivers down my spine. it is that time again....'chao ban' ..the pre-buddhism celebration of spirits...so rare the only other time i remember it being observed was when i was about 7 or 8.

We were still living with my grandparents at the thai village. the whole village was dark and gloomy for the entire week..buddhist altars and sacred images were covered up with white cloths..a curfew was imposed..no one was allowed to leave the house after 7pm....just after the sun sets, right before darkness begins to reign.grass was braided to form a very long rope and it was put up around the entire village..

Everyone was given yellow strings blessed by buddhist monks to tie around their wrists. children (including me!) huddled together at night and even the much wiser and mature adults would carry buddhist amulets for protection, against what...i wasn't too keen to find out. one thing i knew..whatever it was that they called upon....it wasnt good. why else would they cover up the buddhas and sacred images with white cloths..

mediums were called in..

they chanted. they beat drums. they screamed.
rituals after rituals were performed. every single one steeped in mysticism
amidts the beating drums and chants, an old lady was finally possessed by the spirit they called upon...the spirit was said to know every single thing that ever happened in the village...she looked around. eyes wide...hands trembling.
and then she whispered to the ears of a few village elders....her eyes never left the crowd.. ..as if shes telling them secrets of every single person there no mortals would had known.
it was among the darkest experience i carry with me from my chilhood.
when every moving shadows in the dark looked rudimentary human form.

it was towards the end of the week that i finally realised...............the circle of braided grass was not intended to protect the village...oo no....it was to protect outsiders from whatever was in the village.

i walked out of the faculty building...out into the blinding sun and looked around me.....modern buildings...ppl with modern names and modern bodies (as savage garden puts it)...the memory of 'chao ban' seemed rather distant then.
but it is happening....right now...right this very moment..

somewhere up north...

somewhere dark where children huddle together..

somewhere dark where things move unnoticed..

somewhere away from me.